I'm back. If you haven't read my previous post then you probably don't know that I moved back to one of my old haunts. When I lived here before I was a raging alcoholic that fluctuated between extreme depths of depression and periods of normalcy. I was suicidal on numerous occasions. For lack of a better word, I was insane. I moved away and things changed. I used to think that it was the town that made me that way, but after a month back I realize it had nothing to do with this place, but rather it had to do with who I was as a person.
If meditation and Taoism has taught me anything, it's that who I am is who I have always been. See the person that was there and the person that is here is the same person. Experiences have changed, my perception has changed, but I haven't really changed, except for how I think and feel and believe me, thoughts aren't real.
Most people may not understand what I'm talking about, but if you do, I'm sure you'll get it. Life throws curveballs, we see those curveballs and take them personally, but the fact is there is nothing personal about it. The universe is not sentimental, it doesn't do anything to us on purpose. But it's easy to believe that it does, especially when we see ourselves as being separate from that universe, or more to the point us-against-the-universe.
One thing I realize now that I didn't then is that hardship is a good thing. It reminds us that we are alive, it gives the opportunity for success, and it allows us to understand that there is a reason for being here. How great is the difference between "eh" and "oh"? What is the difference between success and failure, except how we perceive it. I could look back on my life and see all the times I failed and believe that as a result I failed, or I could look back and see all those times as opportunities to do something better, which I believe I have.
My well being has nothing do with what's going on in my life, but rather how I choose to perceive what's going on in my life. It seems strange, maybe like pop-psychology, but it's there in the Tao Te Ching, clear as day.
Hah... it's been raining again for nearly a week and it looks like there wont be another patch of sunlight for nearly another week, but so what? Gray clouds or sunlight, it's only a perception and it's certainly not personal. I look at this as an opportunity to do something.
I can visit my mother, see my sister and brother, meet new friends, hang out with old friends, or I can stay at home and read a book. That's the great thing about perspective, it frees you in the end to do what needs to be done, rather than what you want to do. Perspective means you no longer see dull days or blinding bright sunlight, but rather you see the day as it is and as its meant to be.
That doesn't mean I'll be walking in the freezing rain, just that I understand the freezing rain is just a moment in time, that it doesn't foretell doom and gloom or a bountiful harvest, but rather it's what's happening now.
So maybe the thing I've learned as an American Taoist is that my life isn't bad or good, it's just a life. I have the choice to live it as I want to or I need to, but either way it's in my hands. In the same way I can choose to live separate from those around me or realize my connection to them and how my actions influence them. In the end what's important is understanding that the world is not against me, but a part of me. If I can remember that, then it's much easier to take life's hardships and understand them for what they are.
Til next time, thanks for reading.
Aaron
